If you’d have asked my 15 year old self “where do you think you’ll be living in 10 years time?” I’d have never in my wildest dreams have said, “In a quaint, 1 bedroom, unit in the heart of a town in Tasmania”.
If you’d have asked my University student, 20 year old, self “what do you think you’ll be doing 5 years from now?” I’d probably have mumbled something along the lines of, “working as a Physiotherapist in a hospital.”
If you’d have asked 8 year old Kris (as most adults often do) “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I’d have looked you up and down and felt pressured to say something like “a journalist” or “a doctor” or “an actress”, to which I likely received a demeaning reply of “Oh, that’s so cute” or “You have to be smart to be a doctor,” which would have been followed with the backhanded “…but you can be anything you put your mind to!”
Evidently, I clearly cannot foresee the future. I do not possess the wizardry prowess of a psychic (nor can I pull off a head scarf and big hoop earrings… Something I’m still coming to terms with). I could not predict the future back then and nor can I now. How exciting and fabulous is that! The fact that the future, strictly speaking, could hold anything is liberating and grand! The fact that I don’t know where I will be 5 years from now, is fantastic! And it has taken me this long to realise that it is, in fact, A-OKAY to NOT have any idea what the future holds. When I was growing up (still even now!) and being bombarded with the life questions like; “hat do you want to do after school?”, or “where do you see yourself getting a job after University?” or “what do you want to study?”, or “do you think you’ll ever move back home?” These questions always fuelled my anxiety and made me feel uneasy. Especially as I had some friends who had clear visions of their futures (which is also okay!), these questions left me feeling lost and hopeless. However, I now declare these days – O-V-A-H!! Hazar! I will not let anyone make me feel this way ever again – after all I don’t have the ability (nor do I own a future-telling crystal ball, or a bubbling cauldron) to time travel or see the future (honestly, even if I could I don’t think I would)!
The truth is, life happens, you learn, you change, you evolve, you experiment, and this is normal! This is wonderful! I do not, and will not, regret anything. It has bought me to where I am now. It has shaped me into the sassy tiny woman that stands before this big wide world *insert stick figure woman with her hands on her hips, wearing a cape, chin up turned, standing on a globe*! I take great comfort in knowing that… who I am and where I am currently, is exactly where I need to be.
So next time someone questions you on your future, and you just want to curl up into a tiny ball and hide in your linen cupboard (don’t act like you’ve never done this…), just remember this…
Where you are, right now, is precisely where you need to be.
What you’re doing, right now, is exactly what you need to be doing.
What you’re feeling, right now, is perfectly okay.
In the words of a dear friend of mine… “You are smashing it!”